Paranoia

I think I'm paranoid.  When Bria is awake and kicking about, I wish she would just fall asleep.  She hasn't slept much since yesterday.  And she woke up every hour (again) last night.  According to my research, babies are supposed to sleep at least 16-18 hours a day.  My baby didn't even sleep for 4 hours over the past 2 days!

Then, when she is finally asleep and lying so still, I start to worry if she is still breathing.  Sometimes, I will even try to wake her up by changing her diaper etc.  Just so that I can see her "come alive", even if it means she starts crying.  Yes, i know.. So silly right..

I've been trying to teach Bria the difference between day and night so that she can establish "normal" sleep patterns.  So for the whole day yesterday, i did not take my afternoon nap.  And I did not let Bria sleep much.  I kept disturbing her, playing with her and tickling her, and purposely turning on the TV loud.  All these with the hope that she will be so tired at night that she will sleep at least for a stretch of 4 hours.  But she didn't.  And this morning, she was still so alert and active.. What a strange baby.. Sigh.. = )

Christmas

K and I brought Bria to the doctor on Christmas Eve.. She hasn't been sleeping much for the past 2 days before Christmas Eve, plus her diaper rashes had developed into blisters and we suspect that was the cause of her insomnia..  And because it was Christmas Eve and most clinics were open for half a day, we ended up driving all the way to Bishan cause it was the only clinic we could find that was still open in the evening.

The doctor gave us some cream and bath lotion for Bria's diaper blisters, and some syrup to help her sleep.  Apparently, the diaper blisters were caused by us not cleaning her diaper area thoroughly enough.  We spent $85 for the consultation plus medication.  Ever since then, C and I have been using the cream and lotion every day religiously, and changing her diaper very frequently.  I have also adopted the practice of airing Bria's diaper area every day for a few minutes.  Now, the rashes and blisters have all disappeared. 

On Christmas Day, i finally gave in to temptation, and went to the Christmas dinner party at K's uncle's house.  Not only did i went out during my confinement, i also had a feast of non-confinement food for dinner. There was shepherd's pie, turkey, beef, salmon, tomatoes, log cakes, chips etc.. and i consumed them all.. haha.. Apparently, K's relatives are not that into the whole "confinement" thing at all.  When his aunties heard i wasn't going to go to the party, they kicked up such a fuss.. One of them even said she was going to call me to persuade me to come.  And it's barely 2 weeks since i gave birth.  My mom would have screamed if she knew i stepped out of the house.. = )

The party was fun while it lasted.. And Bria was a super good girl throughout the night, sleeping and then waking up but not crying every now and then so the relatives can carry her and coo at her.  But about 2 hours later, i started to get really tired and sleepy, and Bria must have felt the same way too cause she started to cry.  I kept asking K to leave but it was difficult for him to cause firstly, the gift exchange had not started.  Everyone was still singing karaoke and playing cards.  Secondly, we needed to take a lift from our in laws who were not ready to leave at all.  Plus, i think K was enjoying himself playing computer games with his cousins. So after waiting for another half an hour, i couldn't take it any more.  So i went out to the living room and announced to the host that i would make a move first cause i was tired.  I couldn't possibly use Bria as an excuse cause she had been well behaved the whole night.  So i had to use myself as the reason for leaving.

The whole thing dragged for another half an hour after i said i wanted to leave.  Cause then they started the gift exchange, then there was the whole swapping presents and taking home some left over food part, and the whole good bye to everybody part, before we FINALLY left.  That night, K and I slept at 5am.  For some reason, Bria ended up crying throughout the whole night and morning and we had to keep comforting her.  Eventually, we got so tired that we let C take over the next shift and we slept.  I was so exhausted I slept until 12pm the next day.

Over the weekend, Bria got better.  But we still had to feed her the syrup to keep her drowsy and make her sleep.  Today, we did not feed her the syrup at all, and she slept. after feeding  She is such a drinker!  I think she drinks much more milk than normal babies her age.  I  still don't have enough  breast milk for her, so my formula milk is finishing super fast!  My Bria is also very strong.  At 2 weeks, she is already learning how to flip around when she is lying on her bed.  We tried to put her to sleep on her tummy yesterday, and she could actually lift up her head and try to turn around.  And the way she kick and wave her arms... my god.. so much strength this baby! Not sure if i should be worried.. = )

This morning, i was feeding Bria, and i noticed that her head has grown much bigger.. So much so that it is not proportionate to the rest of her body.. She looks like Tweety bird... haha.. I don't really like it. Hopefully the rest of her body will gain weight soon so she will look more "normal"..

I went out again today. Went grocery shopping with C at the newly opened NTUC near my place. I had been looking forward to it, but was so disappointed to find that it's only a small NTUC with no fresh meat and vegetables, just the usual dry goods that you find in 7-eleven and Cheers.  In the evening, K and I drove out to Orchard road.  He went to visit his customer while i shopped at the baby department at Tangs.. Both my sister and my mom called me while I was in Orchard. Lucky they never ask me why there's so much background noise.. haha.. Oh well, i guess i'm not really the type to be stuck at home for 1 whole bloody month! = )

Bummer..

You know what's worse than confinement?  Confinement on Christmas Day.

K has already been to a Christmas BBQ party last weekend with the MX5 club folks, and on Christmas Day, he will be going for another party with his whole extended family..

One part of me really would like to go to the party.  In fact, my mom in law has been nagging at K to bring Bria to the party.  But both K and refused to.  And that's making my mom in law really upset, cause she REALLY wants to show off her adorable grand daughter to everyone else.. = )  We just don't want so many people to touch Bria with their un-sanitized hands, and risk having her falling sick.. Plus she is still so tiny and only less than 2 weeks old, so the idea of bringing her to a big party (and me having to  constantly breastfeed her during the party) just doesn't seem right for me.

SO.. it will be just me and baby at home on Christmas day.. I hope there are some nice shows on TV on Christmas!

Milk is on the way!

I had my second last massage this morning.. The Jamu lady bathed Bria and told me that Bria's diaper rash had developed into blisters.. That got me so worried so we are bringing Bria to see a doctor tomorrow if it still doesn't get better..

This morning, i managed to hand express about 50ml of breastmilk!  I am so happy!  But Bria's diaper blisters kinda got me into a bad mood after that so i lost my temper for a while at K..  Sigh.. poor K.. = )

Actually, I've been really lucky.. I've had a super smooth pregnancy, an easy labor, and a beautiful baby with no colic, no jaundice, don't cry when her blood is drawn, and don't cry when she has diaper blisters.  Plus, i have an excellent helper who does her best to take care of baby so i can sleep at night, and a wonderful hubby.  I hope my good luck will last and Bria's blisters will go away, and i will have more breastmilk to pump!! = )

22 Dec: 114 Months

Today is our 114th monthniverssary.. And since i am confined at home, we couldn't go out to celebrate, although we actually thought about just going out for a top-down spin in our MX5.. = )

So we stayed at home to celebrate in our own way: Watching "Family Guy" over dinner, and taking a warm shower together..

I am so blessed to have such a loving husband and a beautiful and healthy baby girl! = )

21 Dec: Bria's Due Date

Today is Bria's due date.. But of course, my dear baby girl chose to come one week earlier, and on a much nicer date: 12/12/2009.

I had my first post-natal breakdown today.  Breastfed Bria 3 times on each breast for nearly 2 hours till my arms ached, but she still kept crying and wanted more milk.. So I had no choice but to feed her formula.. As i watched her finished the whole bottle and then having a contented look on her face, i got really upset.  And felt really useless that i cannot produce enough milk for her.  Plus, for some reason, i feel that K is not spending enough time with Bria.  Everytime she is awake and feeding, K is sitting in front of his computer.. Even on weekends when he doesn't have to work, he is sitting in front of his computer..  So i got really upset... To him, he paid money to hire a helper to take care of the baby, so he shouldn't be doing the work.  But sometimes, i really wish that the person beside me when I am feeding Bria, singing to her and changing her diaper is my husband and not the helper...

Actually, i also don't know what i want.. K is already doing his best working hard to support the family. Plus, he does try to spend time with Bria and sing to her.. i guess i am just depressed that i don't have enough milk.. Plus, my dad fell down again today while he was going to the toilet.  So my mom called to complain to me and ask me to help find a maid for him.. As if i am not busy enough already!!  Can't believe they can't even spare me and let me rest during my confinement.. sigh.. = (

Post Natal Massage

I had my first post natal massage on Friday.. The Malay Jamu lady came by my house, and gave me a full body massage, made me wore a super tight fitting girdle around my tummy, and did prepared a sauna for me to sit in for half an hour..

It was quite shiok, except for the fact that i had to lie on the floor for the entire massage, and my back nearly killed me.. I'm quite worried that my back has been permanently damaged after the pregnancy and being poked twice for my stupid epidural during labor.  I can still remember my whole body shivering so violently after the epidural was administered.  It's like worse than when I was in New Zealand on the ski slopes! 

The Jamu lady also gave Bria her birth and a massage.. think Bria likes it, although i don't really approve of some of the ways she handled and bathed Bria... We also discovered she had diaper rash, so we gotta change her diaper more frequently nowadays..

Did my second massage yesterday.  There seems to be some results showing, so hopefully i will only need 5-6 sessions.  It's so bloody expensive! $60 for one session.  Maybe I should go and learn the art and then do this part time.. Good $ leh! haha.. But i don't think anybody would want to have their massage done by a "non-auntie"..

C has been a great help these days, helping me take care of Bria at night so K and I can sleep.  It's really bad for K cause he needs to work, but because i breastfeed Bria in the room at night, he has to sleep on the living room sofa to get his rest.  And the sofa is not exactly an ideal place for a good night's rest.  So he ends up feeling really tired in the day when he is working.  Plus, i don't seem to have enough milk for Bria.. which is another thing that is making me really worried.  Really don't want her to drink too much formula.  This morning, i breastfed her 3 times until no more milk, but she was still hungry.  So i gave her the bottle.  I felt so incompetent when i see her finished the whole bottle of formula milk..  Sigh.. = (

I need to devote myself full time from now on to make sure i have more milk!!!