I am sooo tired these days... Dad's helper was sent back 2 weeks ago, and since then, i have been buying lunch for him everyday. Sometimes K will drive me there or pick me up to head home, or both. But recently, i have been commuting to and fro on my own. Plus the weather is so damn hot these days it's really making me weary. Don't know how long more i can do this. Everyday buy food for him, travel there under the hot sun, eat with him, wash the dishes, cut fruits, make milo for his teabreak.. really like part time maid leh!
Plus, i am counting down to the day i go back to work. I really REALLY don't feel like going back. Words cannot explain how much I can't bear to part with my baby for 8 hours a day everyday in 1 month's time.
My time to stay home with Bria and play with her are dwindling, and yet everyday i still have to go out under the hot sun! It's not that i am complaining because i am not filial. I know it's my father i am taking care of. But i am really getting tired. And i want to be with my baby. I SO don't want to leave the house everyday because Bria is so awake and playful during lunch time and I SO wanna play with her!! Plus, by the time i get home, she is taking her afternoon nap so i don't get to cuddle her either. But just because i am the only one in the family who is on leave and "very free", the task is assigned to me. Sometimes i think it's not fair. Plus i am going back to work soon so someone has to take care of Dad. And that's what everyone is getting stressed over now.
So everyday for the past 2 weeks, I have been rushing to and fro my dad's house and missing all the chances to bathe and cuddle my baby when she is most awake. Then when i get home, i have to research on all the options for my Dad when i go back to work such as home help, home meal delivery services, even nursing home, call them one by one to ask etc.. And all these are also being done when Bria is awake also, so i don't get to play with her again. And I am less than 1 month away from going back to work. From seeing her face only through a photograph, not able to touch her, kiss her, cuddle her and hear her make her baby noises for at least 8 hours a day. If i have to work OT, it will be worse. I just broke down in tears thinking about this.
All I want to do now is to treasure and spend what little time i have with my baby before i start working. NOTHING ELSE. I am tired.
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